Goodbye Jesse!

Goodbye Jesse i'm sorry for ever hurting you and putting you through this. I really am and i do love you I really do don't think I dont but i just think for now that we should just be friends and not be in a relationship. i want you to get on your feet first and get a job and get a car and your own house and just be happy and find happiness by yourself. Because i wont always be there for you when you're down or when you need me most. I do care for you but I just cant do this no more and plus I wanna give Andy a second chance and see how well he does just please if you love me you will understand and be happy for me and i will always love you Jesse and if you need someone to talk to I will be here for you forever and always Jesse. Just please forgive me for hurting you I really do love you so much and wanna be with you but I have to give Andy a second chance just like i did you. And to explain why I have been so rude is because I'm trying to get you from being upset and get over me because I dont want you upset over me and unhappy I want you to be happy but I know you wanna be with me so you can be happy but i'm being mean and rude and everything because i'm trying to push you away i'm trying to get you to not want me and to know that you can be happy without me and you will always have me to talk to I swear on my life that you will and i swear that i do love you but its just not a good time to get back to together right now but maybe later on we can. Please Jesse just forgive me PLEASE.

Jesse!!!!

Jesse I love you so much!
I can't ever get you out of my head,
It's crazy how you don't realize how much you love someone until you lose that someone,
I really do love Jesse.
He is my everything,
And all I ever wanted,
He is my all and all,
I love him so so much.
He means the world to me,
And I don't care what anyone says about us,
Or anything because if you love someone you will try to be with them no matter what,
And If you love someone and that someone loves you then you will never lose them.
I will never leave him no matter what because why leave someone you love,
For the someone that you may or may not like,
When they will most likely leave you for the one they love,
And you will just be screwed in the end.
But I really do love him very much :-)

For those of you that don't know yet!

:D Well I have a boyfriend and his name is Jesse Holt! I love him. We have been together for 2 months today (10/15/09). I have known him sense Elementary school and I'm a Junior in High School right now. So yea that's a long time to know someone then finally start to date. :D I really do love him. He means so much to me. Yes, we have gotten into a fight before over pretty much the same stuff as before but it's like really my fault not his. I get worked up over a lot of things that I probably shouldn't. Like our last fight was over really nothing besides whether we should break up or not because we never get to see each other. I kept asking him whether he wanted me to break up or what and he kept saying idk idk and it was gettin on my nerves so yea of course I yelled at him for it and yea i told him not to call or text me until he knew the answer and he finally texted me like 10 hours later and he said hey babe i said do you have an answer he said no i just missed talking to you all day and i said well i need an answer so i don't have to sit here and worry whether you're goin to break up with me or not and just fall more in love then get hurt more and yea. He finally told me he wasn't gonna break up with me like a couple hours after that and that he loved me and he wanted to be with me the rest of his life. And like we have been fighting about me now because I am a month late for my period and that's scary but OMG!!! I just found out I started just a little bit ago its crazy cause I havent had sex in 3 months and i had my period then I missed it last month and now I'm on it again. It's so crazy!! :D but i'm so happy that i finally started. I'm not having sex till I am actually really ready. I am trying to wait till I turn 18 which is on December 7, 2010.

My Sign

S • A • G • I • T • T • A • R • I • U • S : The Sexy One

Spontaneous, Freak in Bed, Great when found, Loves being in long relationships, The one, So much love to give, Not one to mess with, Very kind, Silly, fun and sweet, Most caring person you will ever meet, Not the kind of person you wanna mess with you. Pretty, Very romantic, Nice to everyone They meet, Their Love is one of a kind, Silly, fun and sweet, Most caring person you will ever meet, Not the kind of person you wanna mess with.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

For everyone going to high school
Here's my advice


1. You're going to meet a ton of new people.
And chances are, so will that boy. So don't
spend your whole year chasing after him,
because if you don't have him now, you never will.

2. Homework is extreamly important.Unlike
in middle school, you have important
deadlines you need to meet. Don't put
it off to the end, or you'll be sorry.

3. Remember in middle school how you
were labeled? Imagine that, only twice
as bad. The second you enter those
doors, you'll probably be judged. It's up
to you pick how you want to be labeled.

4. You're a freshman. The worst thing
you could possibly do now, is break the
trust of your parents. They're the key to
your future.

5. Lastly, people will change. Your best
friend could quite possibly become the
person you resent the most. High school
changes people. Don't let it effect you.

All I've got left to say is...
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

Summer Once Again

summer is getting closer with each passing day.
of course i'm happy. yet at the same time, i am
going to miss this. believe it or not, but i'll miss
dragging myself out of bed at six just to see
those people i love. i'll miss getting in trouble in
class for talking or passing notes. i'll miss seeing
my friends every day. sure we'll see each other
throughtout the summer. it'll just be a whole lot
different. and after these three short months,
highschool will be starting. a fresh opportunity
to get things right. i'm not going to lie, i'm kind of
terrified. excited, yes, but scared. scared of what
this new year will hold. scared of all the pressure
that will surely come. scared of being on my own.
i ' m s c a r e d o f f i n a l l y g r o w i n g u p .

I will Always Remember '~'

I remember when we kissed <3
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember the simple things
I remember til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget
Is Goodbye

Happy Once Again

:] I am so so so so so so HAPPY right now :] I can't stop smiling OMG I really hope he is for reals and not messing with my head just to get into my pants OMG I really want to date him and be in a relationship with him and keep him to myself where nobody else can have him...only me and nobody else...I really really like him a lot...now right when I first met him I didn't think that I would like him like this but now I do and he is so nice and funny and always makes me smile and laugh and he makes me happy when I'm sad :] he turns my frown upside down...He is like one of my best friends but I want to be more then just friends I want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. He says he feels the same about me but idk Na he is almost 19 he graduated last year (2008) and my mom kind of likes him I think and she doesn't really approve of him because he is going to be leaving for Iraq here pretty soon.....(I'm going to cry :'( I am going to miss him so much he always knows what to say all the time...here are some examples: "I would really like to have a relationship with you... but I couldn't do that to you it wouldn't b right of me.... but i really want to b selfish and take u as mine but i can't.... so i have to leave the choice to you.... you know I'll b gone, but after i get back i will have a long stabilization where i can't b deployed...." another one is "I understand that and I would never ask u to go behind her back and start a relationship with out her consent....." another one is "you should do what you feel is right, and follow your heart and what is right to you and your heart and what is right to yourself and ya mom......" He is so so so sweet any girl would be luck y to have him!!!! I just wish my mom would give me the consent to have him as a boyfriend. I really do like him and have feelings for him and hope she will realize that...I plan to talk to her about him and me getting into a relationship and then I have to try to get her to say yes so I feel better about dating him...we aren't dating yet but he did ask me if he could claim me as his and he could get jealous and defensive if anyone else touches me and I said yes so he said that I am officially his and nobodyelse's ha ha. He is so sweet though...I just want my mom to see him like I do so she will realize that he isn't like my ex-boyfriend that he is really nice and he respects girls and what they have to say and especially me he doesn't make me do anything I don't want to do and says he never will...I believe him. Hopefully I am making the right choice by picking him out of the group of guys that like me I really really really like him a lot and hope he feels exactly the same about me and doesn't just care about sex I really hope he mainly just wants to hang out and have fun and hug and things like that and not be as intimate as we could (sex). And I wore his ring and sweater today and my ex looked at me like why is she wearing his sweater and ring and he looked like he got upset about it :] all I have to say is that's what he gets for leaving me for that "girl" He is getting pay back now he is feeling what I felt when he left me he is now realizing that I don't care about him anymore and I'm not going to get back with him so he now knows that I'm not someone to fall back on like he was probably planning on doing if she broke up with him or if something happened to them...but enough about him...lets get back to Travis!!!! :D He is so sweet like I have already said his parents are nice too and they approve of me they know I am only 16 and going to be 17 on December 7th but they still approve they said for him to get his orange jumpsuit ready ha ha I laughed at that but we haven't done any thing so there is no worries there. :D and he said for me to look up this song called Somebody Like You by Keith Urban (everyone should look it up and listen to it) he said it was a song from him to me... :D I really like it and it is sweet!!!! But now I have to go it is getting late and I need some sleep so whenever I have time and I have more to say I will let y'all know more...but for now..... That's All Folks!!!! :D

SEX

[Intro:]
Hey yo you,
You see most cats would take adavantage of you right now
But I aint gon do that, you heard
Imma give you the game, right
Imma give it to you because
I dont want somebody to give my little girl the game
So she could find her s.e.x.

[Verse 1:]
Life's a trip
Heard you just turn 17 and finally got some hips
Hustlers on the block go crazy when you lick your lips
But they just want relations, they don't want relationships
(Welcome to the real world)
It ain't the same
Fellas old enough to be your daddy know your name
Everybody's talkin' bout how much that girl dun changed
Cant quite put your finger on it but you feel it's strange
Like's it's fire in your veins

[Chorus:]
Girl it's just your s.e.x.
Momma's secret
And daddy gon' go crazy when he finds out that his baby's found her
S.e.x., take a deep breath
And think before you let it go

[Verse 2:]
The block is packed
Baby got an attitude and proud to holla back
Momma's giving advice but she ain't tryna hear that
Not because its wrong, just her delivery is wack
(Shay, get your butt in this house, if I see you with another boy, I swear..)
Life is rough
You say that your not ready for sex but you're in love
He says if you really loved him, you would give it up
Momma says that's just a lie guys use to get you're stuff
Which one will you trust?

[Chorus:]
Girl it's just your s.e.x.
Momma's secret
And daddy gon' go crazy when he finds out that his baby's found her
S.e.x., take a deep breath
And think before you let it go

[Verse 3:]
Hey yo Lyfe,
She might take it better coming from a woman (get 'em girl)
See, he'll tell you all kind of things to get in your pants, yeah
Baby, it's a fact that once it's gone, you'll never get it back (never get it back)
Hold on to your innocence
Use your common sense (your worth waiting for)
Be strong
Honey, don't give in, blessings come with patience
Till we meet again, I'm praying for you

[Chorus:]
Girl it's just your s.e.x.
Momma's secret
And daddy gon go crazy when he finds out that his baby's found her
S.e.x., take a deep breath
And think before you let it go

[Repeat Chorus]
[Outro]

LISTEN TO THE LYRICS CAREFULLY! THEY TELL THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. I RECOMMEND THIS SONG TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE. IT MAY BE OLD BUT IT IS STILL TRUE AND EVERYONE SHOULD FOLLOW BY IT. AND FOR ALL YOU GUYS OUT THERE...YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS AND ACTUALLY GIVE A CRAP ABOUT A GIRL AND NOT JUST WANT IN HER PANTS. AND FOR ALL YOU GUYS THAT DO GIVE A CRAP ABOUT GIRLS AND DON'T WANT TO JUST GET IN HER PANTS, THAT YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO BE AROUND HER JUST TO SEE HER FACE; JUST TO SEE HER SMILE; JUST TO HEAR HER LAUGH; JUST TO BE AROUND HER; TO HOLD HER CLOSE TO YOUR HEART; THEN YOU ARE THE BEST GUY AROUND! AND WE APPRECIATE THAT YOU ARE THAT WAY BECAUSE THERE ISN'T THAT MANY OF YOU GUYS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD AND EVERY GIRL NEEDS ONE. TEACH YOUR KNOWINGS TO THE GUYS AND TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL AND LET THEM KNOW IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO THINK OF THE PERSONALITY AND NOT LOOKS AND THAT IT IS GREAT TO NOT JUST WANT TO GET IN THE GIRLS PANTS THAT IT IS A GREAT THING TO JUST WANT TO SEE THEM AND BE ABLE TO TALK TO THEM AND TO HOLD THEM AND LOVE THEM. YOU CAN SHOW AFFECTION AND LOVE IN OTHER WAYS THEN JUST SEX!

GIRLS KEEP YOUR INNOCENCE FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AND WAIT FOR THE *RIGHT ONE* AND MAKE SURE HE IS THE *RIGHT ONE* BECAUSE YOUR VIRGINITY IS THE ONE THING THAT IS YOURS AND NOBODY ELSE'S IT IS ONLY YOURS IT ONLY BELONGS TO YOU IT IS YOUR GIFT. AND ONCE YOU HAVE SEX YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR VIRGINITY TO THAT GUY YOU HAVE SHARED IT WITH HIM AND YOU CAN'T GIVE IT TO NOBODY ELSE BUT HIM CAUSE YOU NO LONGER HAVE IT TO YOURSELF ANYMORE YOU HAVE GIVEN IT AWAY AND SOMETIMES YOU MAY THINK THE GUY IS *THE ONE* BUT HE TURNS OUT TO BE A JERK SO IT IS BEST TO WAIT FOR MARRIAGE TO KNOW THAT HE LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY AND THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HAVE SEX OR NOT THAT HE WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!

GIRLS PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO THE SONG AND READ THE LYRICS AND LISTEN TO WHAT I SAID! AND GUYS JUST REMEMBER THAT GIRLS WANT TO LOVE NOT MAKE LOVE! GIRLS WANT TO WAIT TILL THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY READY AND MAKE SURE IT IS THE RIGHT GUY AND THAT HE WILL STAY WITH HER THROUGH THICK AND THIN, THROUGH SICKNESS AND HEALTH!

By The Way

Me and Michael are not together anymore. I broke up with him because I figured that we would be better off as just friends and I found out that I didnt like him as a bf that I just liked him as a friend. Well, that's all I have to say so ya TTYL!

Don't Know What To Feel!

Okay, now this is out of the blue but it popped in my head. I kind of miss Andy. He is one of my ex's. He left me for this girl named Sarah which I don't understand why well I kind of do but he said he loved me so why would he leave me?. But the reason why I am writing this is because he got in a wreck yesterday and I found out because my mom called me like right when it happened, I believe he is alright. He did get taken to the hospital by the ambulance but they were just checking him to make sure he was alright and nothing was broke or anything. Now a while back I told him the whole truth about everything and he got pissed at me and told me to never talk to him or any of his friends ever again. It hurt me real bad because even though he broke up with me and broke my heart I still wanted to be friends because I wanted to be as close to him and spend as much time with him as possible because I still loved him with all my heart. After he told me not to talk to him or any of his friends, I didn't becasue I respect him enough and want him to be happy so I was doing what he said. I still love him and always will. I will never forget him no matter what. He was my first and only love. He was practically my first everything. He was pretty much my first boyfriend, my first kiss, I lost my virginity to him...I just flat out loved him to death. He made me all warm and happy inside. I felt like somone wanted me that they actually cared about me. And he always said I love you and he always said he wanted to marry me but ya you know how that goes. I really did want to marry him and I wanted to have kids with him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Well, anyways when he got in that wreck my mom called me and I laughed about it but deep down inside I wanted to cry because I was so worried about him being hurt. I don't ever want anything to happen to him even though he did treat me the way he treated me. I care about him with all my heart no matter what I say. I just wish he could understand that but he won't listen to me. Please if anyone reads this and talk to ANDY BROWN please tell him that I said all this. I love him and always will but he wants to move on and already has and I guess it is my turn now. I just hope I can find someone that can make me feel the way he made me feel.
Thank You For Reading If You Did. I appreciat it. Thank You Again, Rabecca Jane Miskimen

Just A Bunch Of Mess!

Well I am really seriously bored right now and have nothing else to do. I really don't have anything to say but ya haha there is really nothing better to do cause it is 9:10 pm. And ya I can't go anywhere after dark cause it is a school night and most of my friends aren't doing anything at this time anyways. OMG! If you haven't seen Rejected then you need to watch it asap haha it is so hilarious my favorite parts are when this guy says My spoon is to big...My spoon is to big...My spoon is to big, then a banana walks up and waits a minute and says I am a bananaa. It is so hilarious you just have to watch it for it to be so funny. Then you need to go to http://www.snotr.com and watch Pole dancing, door prank, and Eyebrows Raising. They are so hilarious! I laughed so hard. But ya ha I'm watching the bachelor right now and its about over but I'm kind of tired so I just might go to bed early which is kind of crazy for a 16 year old to be going to bed at 9:30 and not being out with her friends but it's all good haha idc what people think and that's a really good thing. But anyways I will talk to everyone tomorrow at school. Goodnight!

YAY! I'm so happy!

He asked me out again today and this time I was like I don't know and his sister was there and she said did you just awwww you did aww that's so cute awww! And he said so do you say yes and I say Yea! and He says Yay! and then we go to class! :]]

Can't Trust Anyone In This World

Never trust any one with anything cause in the end they most likely won't be there for you! They Will turn their back on you...some may fight for you...some may die for you...but most will just turn around and walk away. They may seem like they love you in the beginning but then they begin to change and you notice the difference more and more everyday. Always think before you take action and always remember the only people you can really absolutely trust are your family. Cause in the end there really is nobody else out there.

I seriously hate feeling like this. It feels like crap. It feels like nobody loves you or nobody is there for you in the end. Which I know that I have Trudy, Mychelle, and Michael. But I don't know if that is enough. I finally realized tonight how much of an idiot I am for loving a person so much when they hit me yelled at me and tugged me around. And I realized how stupid I was of doing some things while I was with that person that I really shouldn't have done and I wish that I wouldn't have but what is done is done and when I finally told that person what I had done (when we aren't even together anymore) they say they forgive me and that they could never hate me not even one little bit then the next day go off and tell some guys that I am a slut, a hoe, and a bitch and that he was going to hang me. How wrong is that?! That is f**king sh*t. It is so uncalled for. I mean I can understand him being mad at me and everything but if you're mad then tell me right then and there and don't lie to me. I would rather know the truth then a lie. It hurts way less in the end if you know the truth.

When I asked him if he was with this girl he says no we are just friends and then the next day one of my best friends tells me that she saw him giving her a kiss on the cheek and it wasn't just a friend kiss it was a passionate kiss and that they went to lunch together...it hurt me. Cause I did still love him at the time but then he said that night that he didn't do it and that people are just trying to start drama cause they hate him and want to ruin his life. Well then I see him the next day and the day after that and the day after that and so forth going to lunch with her. So I confrunt him about it. He says ya I go to lunch with her but we are just friends I promise. Then he keeps saying he needs to talk to me and everything and so one night I go with him and we go to the park and everything and do some things and ya then that Monday(today *2/2/09*) some guy opens his mouth and says something about it and he says no it's not true she just doesn't want me and sarah to be together I asked her out on Friday(the night we went to the park) but that Saturday I sent him a message and he replied back that he wanted to ask me out that day but I had told him about everything that happened while we were together and he said he just didn't know anymore. So you tell me does that make much sense or what?! It doesn't to me. He either needs to get his crap straight or stop lying to me. One or the other. But quite frankly I don't care anymore. I could care less of what he does with his life he can go kill himself for all I care. He is out of my life and lets hope it stays that way!! He was just a peice of shit to begin with and I wish I would have never laid eyes on him. He was just a waste of my time. Although he did help me to see that there is someone better out there for me and that he will treat me right and that I can actually be myself around him and have fun. I have finally realized that everything happens for a reason and this all happened so I could see that I really do deserve someone better then a use to be pot smoking, drinking, smoking cigarette, dipping snuff mother fucker! That doesn't give a shit about nobody but himself. Thank You Very Much For Showing Me The
Real World! I will always remember you but you will never have a home in my heart again. Goodbye forever and always!